What I Understood today

"Caretaking" is the word of the day.

Caretaking takes place when we anticipate other people's needs in fear of a possible reaction they might have. Caretaking is different from compassion. Caretaking is actually a selfish act that we do to avoid situations that might arise otherwise. Compassion is feeling sorry for someone without the presumption of wanting to solve their problems for them or taking away their feelings of sorrow from them.

I learned that I need to stop feeling responsible for what others might be going through in their life and that I need to trust their ability to cope with life and whatever feelings they are going through.

I have done this all my life in regards to my parents but also in with anyone else. I have always felt responsible. Apparently, it was the child in me.

Now, as an adult, I need to learn how to let go and trust in people's ability to deal with their lives on their own.

I have also learned that with my children, I need to allow them to experience sadness and unhappiness when they come. I should not repress and deny their feelings. Instead I should hug them, and let them know that I am there with them - ready to help.

As I was growing up, feelings, good and bad ones, were not allowed. It was always about being quiet, performing in the right way, and working hard.

I wish I could be reborn and start all over again.

Riflessioni su mio padre

When we expose our children to our anger and frustration, what we really communicate to them is that they are responsible for our anger, while, in reality, we are the only ones who can control and dissipate our feelings of frustration. From the child's perspective, he gets the illusion that he can "control" his parent's anger by suppressing certain behaviors and promoting others that will instead (or so he thinks) please the parent. The truth is that this is only an illusion. The child has no power. The parent does and the child will never win against such type of parent.

Which explains why no matter how hard I tried to "please" my father, in reality he always had his agenda and what he did and thought was never affected by my good actions and good will, even in my adulthood.

PRAIANO

In ricordo di una fantastica vacanza per i bambini - non tanto per me, a causa dei miei malori- inizio questo blog di pensieri e, spero, creativita'.

Amo i miei figli e il mio principe azzurro, Mark. Sono grata a loro per tutti i bei ricordi.

Una campana che suona ogni ora.

La bianca scia spumosa delle barche.

Il mare che abbraccia il cielo all'orizzonte.

Il bianco delle mura, l'azzurro del mare, il viola delle bouganvilles.

Gradini che scendono alla spiaggia di sassi.

Vanno su e giu' per viuzze e terrazze panoramiche.

Sole brillante e cocente

asciuga il sale sulla pelle.

Autobus, bolidi in curva.

Autista si pulisce un orecchio con il mignolo

e poi lo mette in bocca.

Pizza sulla spiaggia a Positano.

La Madonna benedice il mare.

Come sardine in una latta arancione per tornare a casa.