Living in the Boston area, you quickly get used to the fact that nobody pays you a visit unless it has been on the calendar for at least a month. You can imagine my bewilderment and joy when I heard the knock at the door in the early afternoon hours and recognized the warm smile of a lady I did not think was at all concerned about me. Unfortunately, my joy was soon to overcome by disappointment when later in our discussion, she was explaining the nature of the gift she had brought: a small notebook. "You can write in it your feelings of gratitude. That will help you get out of your dark mood. I have done it for my daughter. She is also eperiencing the blues ..."
"the blues??" I wondered what in the world she was talking about.. then I got it...depression. So I enquired more about her daughter, hoping to be able to get some insight into this new problem in my life. She said her daughter, a young brinde and mother of two, was feeling down. She was phisically exahusted, she felt her husband did not care for her as much, and that she looked at herself with pity...so shabby looking, tired, unhappy. To which the mother had replied " Well, what did you expect? you are a young bride, stay home mom, in the church... of course you ought to experience some depression...this is normal."
I had just changed primary care physician. This time I was sure I had chosen the right guy: highly recommended by our stake president and wife, intelligent, young smart doctor at MGH, LDS and bishop of a local ward. What more could I ask for?
At one of our first meetings, as I had just patiently described my symptoms for the 100th time,and as he was trying to make sense of them, he explained the following: "well, Carmen, you know that Utah is one of the states with the highest depression rate. They attribute it to the lack of caffeine and alchool consumption. So you know, as members of the church, we are prone to get depressed. You are a stay home mom, you don't drink, you don't smoke or use recreational drugs...of course, you may be experiencing depression..."
This was the beginning of my voyage into depression...
Now...a year plus later...I am on medication, have taken on a volunteer job at the temple, once a week, I have invested in a gym membership (I try to go 3 times a week), I teach an Italian class once a week, I volunteer at m y children's schools every time I possibly can, I make dinners for needy families in the ward, I have a calling teaching Primary everyweek....I still have pain...I still experience mood swings, and my periods hurt like crazy...
Should I start drinking coffee and using marjiuana?
