Per i miei cuccioli

Miei cari cari figli,

Questa sera ho pregato con tutta l'intensità del mio cuore: ho chiesto a Dio di spegnere la mia vita, in modo da poter permettere a vostro padre di sanare la situazione economica con il premio della mia assicurazione sulla vita. Non sarà tanto, ma gli permetterà di tornare a galla.

Se la mia preghiera sarà esaudita, quella sarà una prova per voi che Dio c'è e ascolta e che vi amo profondamente.

Sarò sempre con voi. È un privilegio essere la vostra mamma. Mi avete regalato dei momenti di pura gioia. 

So che avrete tanto successo in questa vita. Sostenetevi a vicenda. Vogliatevi bene. Aiutatevi sempre. Proteggete l'un l'altro. Ricordate tutto ciò che vi ho insegnato. Ce la farete. Ne sono convinta. So che all'inizio sarà dura, ma non pensate a me. Andate avanti per me e portatemi nei vostri cuori.

Con immenso amore e ammirazione!

La vostra mamma

My Instinctive Reaction to the First Seminar on Gender, Sexuality and Mormonism

 Dear Taylor,

Many thanks for allowing me to attend your seminar at Harvard Divinity School.

I will never be able to convey how beneficial this is for me on many different levels. Hence, I am deeply grateful.

My initial and immediate reactions to tonight's discussion were two:

1. The Church is a powerful marketing machine. With its varieties of doctrines, structural organization, social set up, individual involvement, policies and more, it gives something to think and do to many many people, which translate into a successful enterprise all together- all with Christ at the center of it. 

I think it is pretty darn amazing.

2. If I had known 24 years ago when I first started investigating the church, what you so well presented tonight in two hours, I doubt I would have joined the church at age 19.

But today I am 44, I am a mother of three wonderful children and the wife of a good man and successful husband and a couple of thoughts came to mind about the polygamy issue.

Is Adam not portrayed as a polygamist because he is at least one step ahead compared to the other prophets who were polygamists: he took part to the creation of the earth with jeovah. He must have gained that status somehow- maybe by practicing the higher law of polygamy? Hence Eve may be the wife in this creation we call hearth. But there could be different creations elsewhere with other wives of Adam...

2.in regards to Joseph Smith trying to understand from God what this polygamy thing is truly about. 

Could it be that all the other prophets mentioned had not yet achieved their state of exaltation of being with Christ to create worlds and that the only way to achieve that communion with Christ would be through celestial polygamist marriage by proper authority? Once the communion is achieved, then he can go on to be like Adam and participate in the creation of an earth?

Then I also thought that I am 44 yrs old and after 22 years of marriage, I am tired of being everything and anything for my husband , my children and even extended family.

If my primary responsibility is to nurture and raise my children, today at age 44 perhaps  there is some wisdom in the possibility of relinquishing some of my duties and obligations of being a mother and a wife to some young and more energetic bride from time to time. It would take a very mature, older and special type of woman to accept this scenario. And it would be one way to avoid the physical and emotional destruction I have felt for years and probably will continue to feel.

But the man would by necessity need to be a man of God , someone's who is financially, emotionally and spiritually stable to be able to satisfy all those needs in her life.

But then, all this makes me thing what if we got it all wrong.? What if this has nothing to do with the big players involved  - the adults- but only the children? What better environment for a mother to raise her children in the spiritually, physically and financial stable environment provided by her mature and stable husband?

Could all this go back to the initial plan of happiness? All those spirits, thousands, millions of them waiting to come to hearth to obtain and experience a body. A man can literally generate in about 30 seconds. A woman has to roughly wait nine months before giving birth. It will take for ever to multiply and replenish the earth nine months at the time...but if we had more wombs in the same family it might take less...

So, questions: what was the real problem? Emma Smith not being ready , because still young, to relinquish some of her duties and responsibilities to another or other younger women? Or was Joseph not financially, emotionally and physically stable enough to provide for her the support needed for this "next level"adventure"?

Memory and memories

I saw my grandmother yesterday. She has lost her short term memory and most of her long term. However, she seems to be happy and more cheerful than ever. She is in a sort of state of bliss: all is well, no grudges and no recollection of the bad in her life. There is no pain. I wonder if there is a lesson to be learned here...

Evviva il sei aprile...

quante volte si può far male ad una persona senza voler  rendersene conto? 

Che faccia Del cavolo Che ha Mio marito . Un uomo che non sa essere uomo e che si nasconde dietro un falso manto di saggezza. In realtà un ipocrita. l'ho sempre detto e non si smentisce mai...

Magari quando capirà, sarà troppo tardi...

Si sta come di Inverno sugli alberi le foglie

Fragilità, vulnerabilità, insicurezze...

Mi sforzo di dare importanza alle cose più mondane, ogni giorno, ma con una difficoltà interiore che spesso mi toglie il fiato. Sembra che tutto sia insignificante agli occhi di colui che ci guarda e nel suo piano eterno. Ma il mio spirito non riesce ancora ad aggrappare bene il messaggio delle necessità eterne. È così vivo con un senso di distacco ma verso un infinito ancora incomprensibile e lontano...

Waves

As much as I love the sea, I don't like to swim in rough waves. Some find it exhilarating, I find it unnerving but most of all unnecessary. It takes away the pleasure of swimming, water constantly splashes in your face, and your bathing suit gets filthy with sand and all sorts of debris.

Some may argue that  creates stamina, resilience, strength. I say that it creates "fastidio " an Italian word that means disturbance and molestation, that it creates unnecessary work and that it complicates the journey.

The solution: staying away from rough seas and enjoy the view of it.

Lately I feel I am metaphorically drowning in the rough seas of this stupid life. Except I am not choosing to go swimming in these types of sea. My sea wants to be calm, warm, inviting. Instead , I always end up being tossed to and fro by the high waves that others make in my sea but which they refuse to acknowledge as high waves, affirming that they are small, inconsequential splashes. 

With strangers, I have the option to stay away from those who cause these high waves. With family, what am I to do? What are my options? I don't feel that going back to the shore would be well taken, so I try to ride the waves but the debris that accumulates in my bathing suit is too much for me to handle. I physically can't, as much as I desire to, overcome the waves.

A potential solution could be that we stopped making waves for those around us, thus allowing them to enjoy the swim in calmer seas. Because, in the end, we complicate each other's journey so much.

So, being present, attentive to details, collaborating, being truthful and honest, being realistic and responsible.

Would these actions help reduce the intensity and height of the waves so we can all enjoy the swim a little more?

In the end, I am Italian. It is in my DNA to desire calm seas and beauty everyday.

My husband is a British/American  overachiever, always looking for the next thing to achieve, without much pleasure.

But wait... I thought he also married me to have that element- pleasure- present I his everyday life...

Why is he trapping me and him self in high waves?

What prevents us from receiving blessings of the atonement?

2Ne 9 27-38

Those who transgress the commandments and waste the days of their probation.

Those who do not use their learning wisely, at The Service of God. They think they are wise and do not rely on the counsel of God.

The rich who despise the poor, persecute the meek and worship their treasures.

Those who don't want to hear the word of God.

Those who do not have a broken heart.

Liers, murderers and adulterers.

Those who worship idols.

Those who die in their sins.

All these people will not be able to have the blessings of the Atonement in their life.

Facts

It is said that by maintaining their own language,the Jews effectively separated themselves from the Egyptians, which decreased their involvement in idolatry.

1Ne2

Even in the context of the wilderness, Lehi takes time not to just pray but to build an altar of stones to thank the Lord.

Then we are introduced to the stiffneckdness of Laman and Lemuel. Apparently, their father is so concerned that he wishes they could be like the river and the valley. It is evident they are on his mind a lot.

I can only imagine the scene: Laman and Lemuel arguing with their father, and Nephi retiring to a corner, crying, wondering why they have to argue like that. Nephi is a spectator because he is too young. Lehi only talks to Laman and Lemuel. But Nephi has a tender heart and prays to understand what is going on. Then, he tries to convince his brothers of the truthfulness of what their father is saying.

I see this in the context of a society where the father rules and who wants to go against the father, even if he is a prophet? In a way, Laman and Lemuel are being brave in voicing their concerns.

I don't know to what extent this was a normal , everyday conversation: going against your father?  So, Nephi, is the young child exposed to all this craziness. 

I think he also wasn't sure about his father but instead of reacting- probably because he is too young- he prays to understand. And the Lord softens his heart and confirms the words of the father. So, he tries to rectify things with his brothers . Sam believes him. But not the older brothers. 

Then the Lord speaks to him and introduces the concept of keeping the commandments and prospering in the promised land. And the curse for the Lamanites.