OF LOSSES, EFFORT, GRACE, AND BLESSINGS

After spending several days being caught up in hurricane preparations for a storm that fortunately never made it to Orlando, normal life resumed on Thursday. Eleni went back to school, Mark went on a local business trip, our kitchen backsplash was finally getting installed and I had plans to make it the mail box which is about 500 meters from our home. I figured it was time to finally empty it form all the junk that accumulates in there.

So, after I picked up Eleni from school at 5:30 pm and stopping at Chipotle for a burrito, we headed home and stopped at the mail box. I got out of the car, opened the back passenger door to retrieve the mailbox key from my bag. As always, my bag was full of old receipts, an umbrella, rain jacket, pens, antihistamines, sanitary pads... but my keys were nowhere to be found. I started getting everything out when I heard a click - a noise of something falling on the ground. I turned around but did not see anything. I thought it must have been a useless penny being thrown in the air with the rest of my junk while I was making my frantic search. The keys were nowhere to be found. I packed everything back in to the bag and drove home. 

I quickly changed into my athletic walking attire, grabbed a small shopping bag and walked back to the mail box, this time with the key. I retrieved all the mail, placed it in the bag and happily walked back home. Once there, I left the mail bag in the garage and continued my stroll down the end of our street and around the loop. 

Luca called during my walk. As always, we had a wonderful conversation,  and I took him around the loop at the end of the road. The sunset was simply gorgeous to the point that I decided to walk on a few yards of the golf course, climb on a little hill and take photos  there. To my surprise, I discovered a little pond behind the hill which I had never seen before - because I had never walked on the golf course- and I was so happy to stand on a hill (tiny), to catch a breeze on a super hot summer evening, and admire the  gorgeous sunset behind the pond. As life in Orlando is pretty dull, you can imagine my enthusiasm. Luca can attest. We were still on the phone and I was texting him photos of the scenery. 

Then I continued my walk home. By the time I arrived it was dark. I watered the plants by the garage and went inside. I deserved a nice cool shower. As I was ready to come out of the shower, I realized that I was missing an earring. Oh NO!!! it was by far my absolute favorite earring. I started my second frantic search of the day. First place to look: in the shower itself. Sometimes I lose earrings while I shampoo my head. But nothing. I went to the dirty laundry hamper, shook all the dirty clothes off but nothing. I tried to retrace the steps of the day in my head, until I remembered the "click" sound at the mail box when I had gone there the first time.

I quickly got dressed again, knelt down in my closet to pray, and went back to the mail box, with my phone flash light on along the way to see if  by chance I could spot the earring on the sidewalk. When I got to the mail box I looked everywhere, but was not able to find anything. So, I returned home.  I told Eleni that my search had been in vain and proceeded to take a photo of the other earring to post it on Next Door for the KP's neighborhood, hoping someone might have found the lost earring and would read my post. In the meanwhile Mark arrived home from his business trip. I gave him the news of my sudden loss and he kindly  accompanied me all the way to the end of the street, around the loop and on the golf course hill. It was dark and all we could see were each other's phone lights. We looked like professional robbers!

I so much desired to see the earring sparkle on the ground. But we never found it. We returned home. I was dehydrated, mad, and experiencing a tremendous sense of loss. I was really mad at God for depriving me of yet one more thing, besides my boys, my life, my city (aka Boston, and old Salerno), and now even my favorite earring. What in the world... I was wondering if Job had felt the same. I really wanted to cry. I think I did end up crying when I went to bed while praying to understand why this was happening to me. Me and losses... the love of a lifetime!

The next morning the plan was to go to the gym and then retrace my steps in the neighborhood one more time. I stopped at the mail box on the way to the gym. Nothing. After the gym, the stupid tile guy was back to do the grout. "I will never find that earring now" I figured "if I have to wait for this guy to finish..." As soon as he left, I dashed out the door and started my brisk walk back to the mail box, this time in the middle of the road, thinking that maybe the poor earring had travelled on the little step to get in and out of the car for a while, before dropping on the road and maybe being squished into pieces by a garbage truck.

I was talking to Luca again and he was cheering for me. Then I met my neighbor Lisa, who accompanied me on my walk all the way on the end of the street, all the while saying, "Don't worry, I'll look for your earring on my walks. I have got you covered." Yeah right!

The grass on the golf course had just been cut so I imagined my earring all chewed up in some  rusty, gargantuan lawnmower somewhere (golf course size)...Needless to say, once again I did not find anything. I went back home ready to pursue the rest of the plan: take a shower and drive back to Chipotle to check the parking lot there. I was not going to give up so easily. However, after the shower, I distinctly heard a voice in my head saying, "Don't go. Do what you need to do here: work on translation of the book by C. C. That is more important. It will all work out." I have learned to obey that voice! 

Without questioning it I sat down to translate. I had one hour before having to pick up Eleni at school. By the afternoon I had basically forgotten about the earring, thinking that iwas gone forever! Sigh! We continued with our afternoon activities and Mark and I left at 6:00 to go to the Brad Wilcox Fireside, on the topic of grace.

The main point of the fireside was that we walk this life with Christ, we do our part and he blesses us with grace along the way, enabling us to carry out our life, changing us along the way, and blessing us with power, knowledge and blessings. But we have to do our part. He (Br Wilcox) created this equation: Christ + me = more. Although we tend to think: me +more = Christ.

We came home and watched tv. As I was sitting on the couch I checked my email as I usually do before going to bed. There was a next-door message: a lady named Sonya claimed to have my earring. She said her husband had found it while golfing. What?? 

I called her this morning only to realize that her number was already stored in my phone. What?? 

Then I remembered it was the owl lady we had met last year with her husband and daughter when we first moved in. We had gone on a bike ride and they stopped us to look at an owl in a tree. We had exchanged phone numbers but never talked again.

Mark and I walked to her house and sure enough her husband had the earring the he had found at the mailbox, not golfing. 

I immediately  felt that the story was a perfect illustration of what Br Wilcox shared with us at the fireside. I had done all that I could have possibly done to find the earring: walked miles back and forth, prayed to find it, prayed for understanding, listened to the voice that told me to keep working on my translation, while reassuring me at the same time that it would all work out fine. Then, miraculously, the blessing came. It was an amazing feeling.

Now, I have to figure out if there is a reason why that particular family found the earring... maybe there will be another chapter to the story!

GRATITUDINE E GIOIA

Da poco più di un anno abitiamo ad Orlando, FL. È stata e continua ad essere un'esperienza ricca di sorprese negative, inaspettate, che ti lasciano semplicemente senza parole. Parlo del livello intellettivo della gente per finire al modus vivendi delle stesse persone. Non ho ancora capito bene come impieghino il proprio tempo oltre a lavorare, fare sport, mangiare e bere, e parchi di divertimento Disney e Universal. In realtà non mi sembra ci sia molto altro.

Non c'è dove andare a passeggiare per divagarsi, ad ammirare qualcosa di bello, tranne la natura in pochi posti in cui come donna sola non mi sento a mio agio di andare. Non c'e' posto dove poter andare  a nutrire il proprio cervello di qualcosa di più elevato, che ispiri a diventare una persona migliore o a fare qualcosa di meglio e di nuovo.


Ho trascorso gli ultimi 13 mesi praticamente agli arresti domiciliari. Se pensavo che sei mesi di inverno Bostoniano fossero tosti, non avevo preso in considerazione gli anni interi che si possono trascorrere chiusi in aria condizionata perché fuori non c'è assolutamente nulla da fare, tranne la spesa o mangiare fuori.

Per fortuna abitiamo nel "regno incantato' di Keene's Pointe, dove si può camminare o andare in bici per km, in viali alberati di case, interrotti da qualche stagno artificiale qua e là, che dopo un po' diventano monotoni e pesanti.

Sto cercando di capire quale sia la lezione da imparare. Luca ha suggerito la gratitudine. Ma la gratitudine per cosa? Per quello che avevo e non ho più? o per quello che ho nonostante tutto ciò che non ho più? O per quello che ho e che potrei non avere?

Sono settimane che penso alla scrittura "Man is that he may have joy." Sto cercando di capire cosa sia la gioia e cosa fare quando non si prova più gioia in nessun angolo di vita, dall'amore alla vita famigliare, da quella personale alla vita spirituale. Cosa fare quando attorno a noi non c'e' nulla che ci stimoli, che ci ispiri ; quando non c'è nulla che dia la carica e ci faccia svegliare pieni di entusiasmo la mattina? In altre parole, come faccio ad essere grata del negativo? E se decido di non accontentarmi e di pregare per un cambiamento, sono ingrata e inaccontentabile? O forse sono malata? Depressa? Si, un caso clinico? Ho il male di vivere?

Quando parlo con mio marito, il suo atteggiamento e sempre quello di sopportare, di prenderla come viene, di accontentarsi. Insomma, di farsi violenza anche quando le situazioni che viviamo non ci fanno stare bene. È come se volesse dirmi che i veri cristiani fanno così, scegliendo di stare bene pur di mentire a se stessi.

Ma allora Dio è un essere crudele, che ammazza la nostra personalità e creatività in virtù di valori come l'obbedienza, la gratitudine, il freno delle nostre emozioni etc. etc.

Il fatto è che non credo, né prima di venire qui né eventualmente dopo questo triste capitolo,  di essermi mai data alle scelleratezze e alla depravazione. Credo di essere stata comunque una persona tranquilla, caritatevole - quando possibile - generosa, altruista, ospitale, coscienziosa, puntuale, e anche simpatica.

Quindi, se decido di cambiare, dovrò sentirmi in colpa?? Sarò punita? Sarò considerata ingrata? la mia vita peggiorerà? Non l'ho ancora capito...

Se potessi avere una bacchetta magica, andrei via subito, senza pensarci due volte, cercando di dimenticare questi mesi il prima possibile.

Ma al momento è impossibile.

Sono una donna intelligente ma stupida perché non ho saputo prevedere una situazione del genere.
Dopo 25 anni dedicati alla famiglia, a crescere i figli e a lavorare qua e la' in realtà non ho concluso nulla che potrebbe darmi adesso l'autonomia per fare la valigia e scappare via di qua. Sono al 100% dipendente da un uomo che è assolutamente uno stronzo. Non ci sono altre parole per descriverlo. Nella sua incapacità di gestire la sua vita professionale sta portando questa famiglia allo sfascio, nascondendosi dietro strategie di "fare soldi" destinate al fallimento. Lo odierò sempre per questo, per non essere leale con se stesso e con me e i suoi figli, per essere un pagliaccio senza sostanza. Lo avessi capito prima dubito che lo avrei sposato. Credo che sia stato un pagliaccio con me fin dall'inizio, proclamando di essere ciò che non è.

Io ci sono cascata. Perché sono una persona semplice, ingenua, fessacchiotta. Ma ora cosa me ne faccio di tutte queste qualità inutili???

SIMON LEAVES FOR HIS MISSION

The last few weeks or the last year have been a roller coaster of emotions. I feel like Job, slowly loosing everything and everyone. Although I talk of a roller coast, which goes up and down, my feelings have mostly been down.

We moved to Orlando, FL last year. Nobody except Mark has been thrilled at the idea. Personally, I have had to give up the most, with Eleni. We have lost the few friends we had, a beautiful and amazing city, things and activities to do and see, a strong town and church community, and now we might as well be losing our brains and settling for mediocrity, like everyone else around us.

Well, to complete the picture, I am losing Simon today for two years as he embarks on his service to the people of the Rome Mission, entering the England MTC on June 19th, serving for 24 months.
I feel like losing him twice as hard, first physically to the mission and then emotionally to Megan. The sadness he feels right now is not so much for "losing" us but for losing Megan. Which is all wonderful to see. I know deep in my heart how much he loves her. I felt it on Sunday as he gave his wonderful farewell talk. I feel that - if everything works out as they hope right now- they will be an amazing couple if they allow themselves to be led by the Spirit.

In a way I feel almost numbed after having been through so many down moments in the last year / many years. I don't even know what to think anymore, what to hope for, what to dream of. I am afraid to ask God for anything specific when it comes to my personal life or our family life because I am afraid to ask for the wrong things.


I hope Simon will be strong, patient, wise, pleasant, and loving with all those he comes in contact with. I hope he will have fun with this experience and enjoy every single moment of it. I hope my fellow Italians will lower their levels of stubbornness and that they will open their hearts to my sweet Orsone and the Spirit of the Lord.


I will miss Simon's embraces, his chubby cheeks, and supple hands, his wisdom and his affection, his humor, his everything.

May God lead and protect him always!


God be with you till we meet again, Anziano Simon Sivers!

DIVINELY APPOINTED RESPONSABILITIES - Notes on a talk by Grant Bennett - January 2018

D&C 110 mentions "Divinely appointed responsibilities" and "prophetic priorities".

1. Make Atonement of Christ operative in our lives.
2. Gather Israel.
3. Temple ordinance works for our ancestors.
4. Care for the poor and the needy.

Prophetic Priorities: topics, principles and programs given by revelation by those in authority to assist us in fulfilling divinely appointed responsibilities .

President Monson has said in the church leadership meetings:"May God give us the courage and inspiration to reduce and simplify the programs of the Church".

PRIESTHOOD

During His last hours on earth, Christ gave the disciples a new commandment: to love one another.
We often define it as the greatest commandment. Probably because it is the hardest to observe.
Yet, loving as Christ did is a fundamental principle in the Gospel. I think it is the key that unlocks all the mysteries of God.  Still, it is rather complicated to put into practice.

In my mind, we are given one specific tool that allows us to become more proficient in the acts and language of love: the priesthood. Priesthood holders will tell you all about the oath and covenant of the priesthood, all the rules, specific responsibilities, blessings etc.

For me, the priesthood is the key to the great commandment of love. Without it, it is complicated to love everyone as Christ did. With it, we do so much better and in the words of President Eyring, "we can go long distances, stay long hours, and endure hardships as representatives of the Lord Jesus Christ in caring for those in need."

As the "natural" men and women that we are, we are tempted to focus our attention on ourselves and to become prideful in our doings and in our relationships. We have the tendency to become puffed up like a balloon that floats around in the wind with no sense of direction.  The priesthood has the power to keep us grounded and focused, allowing us to develop and progress at a faster rate and in a more complete way than if we selfishly concentrate uniquely on ourselves.

So, I would say that we have two options: concentrate on loving and serving - to magnify the priesthood - or magnify the priesthood to learn how to love and serve. I think the results will be very similar and highly uplifting, namely pure joy while feeling the love of Heavenly Father for us and those we serve.

"The man that you will become will not be greater than the love you give."
(Ermal Meta -"Vietato Morire")

Per i miei cuccioli

Miei cari cari figli,

Questa sera ho pregato con tutta l'intensità del mio cuore: ho chiesto a Dio di spegnere la mia vita, in modo da poter permettere a vostro padre di sanare la situazione economica con il premio della mia assicurazione sulla vita. Non sarà tanto, ma gli permetterà di tornare a galla.

Se la mia preghiera sarà esaudita, quella sarà una prova per voi che Dio c'è e ascolta e che vi amo profondamente.

Sarò sempre con voi. È un privilegio essere la vostra mamma. Mi avete regalato dei momenti di pura gioia. 

So che avrete tanto successo in questa vita. Sostenetevi a vicenda. Vogliatevi bene. Aiutatevi sempre. Proteggete l'un l'altro. Ricordate tutto ciò che vi ho insegnato. Ce la farete. Ne sono convinta. So che all'inizio sarà dura, ma non pensate a me. Andate avanti per me e portatemi nei vostri cuori.

Con immenso amore e ammirazione!

La vostra mamma

My Instinctive Reaction to the First Seminar on Gender, Sexuality and Mormonism

 Dear Taylor,

Many thanks for allowing me to attend your seminar at Harvard Divinity School.

I will never be able to convey how beneficial this is for me on many different levels. Hence, I am deeply grateful.

My initial and immediate reactions to tonight's discussion were two:

1. The Church is a powerful marketing machine. With its varieties of doctrines, structural organization, social set up, individual involvement, policies and more, it gives something to think and do to many many people, which translate into a successful enterprise all together- all with Christ at the center of it. 

I think it is pretty darn amazing.

2. If I had known 24 years ago when I first started investigating the church, what you so well presented tonight in two hours, I doubt I would have joined the church at age 19.

But today I am 44, I am a mother of three wonderful children and the wife of a good man and successful husband and a couple of thoughts came to mind about the polygamy issue.

Is Adam not portrayed as a polygamist because he is at least one step ahead compared to the other prophets who were polygamists: he took part to the creation of the earth with jeovah. He must have gained that status somehow- maybe by practicing the higher law of polygamy? Hence Eve may be the wife in this creation we call hearth. But there could be different creations elsewhere with other wives of Adam...

2.in regards to Joseph Smith trying to understand from God what this polygamy thing is truly about. 

Could it be that all the other prophets mentioned had not yet achieved their state of exaltation of being with Christ to create worlds and that the only way to achieve that communion with Christ would be through celestial polygamist marriage by proper authority? Once the communion is achieved, then he can go on to be like Adam and participate in the creation of an earth?

Then I also thought that I am 44 yrs old and after 22 years of marriage, I am tired of being everything and anything for my husband , my children and even extended family.

If my primary responsibility is to nurture and raise my children, today at age 44 perhaps  there is some wisdom in the possibility of relinquishing some of my duties and obligations of being a mother and a wife to some young and more energetic bride from time to time. It would take a very mature, older and special type of woman to accept this scenario. And it would be one way to avoid the physical and emotional destruction I have felt for years and probably will continue to feel.

But the man would by necessity need to be a man of God , someone's who is financially, emotionally and spiritually stable to be able to satisfy all those needs in her life.

But then, all this makes me thing what if we got it all wrong.? What if this has nothing to do with the big players involved  - the adults- but only the children? What better environment for a mother to raise her children in the spiritually, physically and financial stable environment provided by her mature and stable husband?

Could all this go back to the initial plan of happiness? All those spirits, thousands, millions of them waiting to come to hearth to obtain and experience a body. A man can literally generate in about 30 seconds. A woman has to roughly wait nine months before giving birth. It will take for ever to multiply and replenish the earth nine months at the time...but if we had more wombs in the same family it might take less...

So, questions: what was the real problem? Emma Smith not being ready , because still young, to relinquish some of her duties and responsibilities to another or other younger women? Or was Joseph not financially, emotionally and physically stable enough to provide for her the support needed for this "next level"adventure"?